


Longing to Give In

by LittleBlackGoldfish



Series: Bemily Week 2021 [8]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-22 09:54:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30036882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleBlackGoldfish/pseuds/LittleBlackGoldfish
Summary: Her heart aches, bruised and battered like a pinball, it sits in her chest and just; aches.Bemily Week 2021 Day 9 - Free Choice
Relationships: Emily Junk/Beca Mitchell
Series: Bemily Week 2021 [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2173860
Comments: 6
Kudos: 17





	Longing to Give In

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be longer, four or five separate conversations spread out over months and have a somewhat happier ending. All I managed to write was this.

_4:06_

Emily's leg jiggles, bumping up against the underside of the desk, her eyes darting between the time in the corner and the (so-far) empty window in the center. They said 4 o'clock, but it's Beca first week.

Things are probably… hectic.

It's just a few minutes.

College isn't like high school, Beca is an actual adult now — not like an actual actual adult with a job and stuff, but still — and Emily can't expect her to have her complete attention all the time. Especially not after they decided—

She needs to be mature about this, to be understanding and reasonable. She needs to not be freaking out, smooth out her breathing. And stop her leg from bumping her desk.

_4:07_

Emily puts her hand on her knee and forces her leg to steady, foot flat on the ground.

Really, it's okay. They can talk tomorrow or a week from now or in a month. Whenever.

God. She feels so shitty. Like, her stomach is full of this heavy, cold ball that keeps pulling on all her insides, sending prickling waves of stinging heat crawling underneath her skin.

Maybe Emily should get up, go for a walk or something—

Why are her ears ringing?

Is she developing tinnitus? Like on TV when someone is near an explosion, except Emily hasn't been near any explosions or hit her head which also sometimes when it happens in shows. Oh, god, is she losing her hearing at seventeen (almost, three more months)?

No.

That's not what that sounds like. At least not according to TV and movies. Emily starts as she finally realizes that the sound is coming from her computer and even before she's managed to process what that means, her hand is reaching to answer the call. For a second between when she answers and when Beca appears, all Emily can think is that something has gone wrong.She wants to cry.

Then, miraculously, Beca is there (more accurately the bottom half of her is, a little strip of her stomach peeking out as she worms her way out of — or into, Emily can't really tell — a shirt) and she completely freezes up for a different reason. Of course she's seen Beca in like swimsuits and stuff, they had a few faded months of spring and most of the summer together, but this is different somehow, it feels… illicit. Like she should look away.

She doesn't. It only lasts a second.

Then, Beca's face is dropping into view, bright and smiling and just like Emily remembers.

"Hi- uh, hey," she waves, casually like she does everything, "Sorry for being late dude, I— "

"Oh, no! That— " she brushes it off " —pfft, don't worry about it."

Beca sits down, her hair looks wet. Was she showering? Is it raining where she is (naming it makes it too real)? The background of the call is blown out, there must be a window behind her, so that Emily can't really tell if it looks wet because it's wet or because it just looks that way.

She wants to ask, but she can't.

Instead what she says is, "You're busy. I get it. College life, I mean, not that I know what college is like but- yeah, I mean. Better things to do than have a chat with me."

Emily tries to laugh it off, like it's a joke. She's not sure how well it goes. Not well, by the frown on Beca's face.

"Dude. You know— " but whatever Emily is supposed to know she doesn't, because Beca cuts herself off.

She wonders if this is why they broke up, instead of all the other reasons — the distance, age, business — that there were things that Emily just didn't get. If she was just too immature. Too cutesy and young to hold onto through college.

This like, hot, thick vice grips her throat from the inside and squeezes. Breathing hurts.

Beca sighs and shakes her head, forcing a smile, "I don't actually have a lot of time. How're things? School? Did you dad end up getting the new… cordless drill-saw thing," she waves her arms around, "Or whatever."

Her heart aches, bruised and battered like a pinball, it sits in her chest and just; _aches_. Swallowing through the vice of the throat, Emily breathes. Tries to steady herself.

"School- school is okay. Fine. I— "

Emily wants to say that she misses her, that she takes it back. That no, Beca is wrong, that every second away from her is… the worst and that no matter how far away they are, no matter the miles and inches and hours and days, Emily doesn't want to not be with Beca.

She wants to wind back time one- two- three months and have the argument all over again. But this time she wants to shout and scream and beg all the things she was too afraid to. What if Beca meets someone else? What if she forgets Emily? What if- there are too many what ifs in Emily's head.

There's no making to any of them. And besides, she's still too afraid. So instead, she pretends.

Tells a stupid, meaningless, safe story.

" —Mrs. Feinberg invited Bumper Allen to talk to her class, again. He actually showed up this time, I think that whatever job his uncle ahd for him didn't— "

Emily just talks, because talking is safer than thinking.

And eventually she gets lost in the music of Beca's voice, listening to her talk about her first day of classes and her roommates and all the people she's met. It's hard to ignore the pang of swirling… something that tightens in her gut when she thinks of those other people getting to be around her. But she does it.

Pushes it down, just to have a few more minutes. It comes to an end eventually though, almost two hours later, when Beca has to get off and go to sleep; leaving Emily with nothing but a cold empty space in her chest, yawning open like a bottomless pit.


End file.
